Heartbreak

Today was supposed to be a day of joy, happiness, and the announcing or our soon to be addition to the family. Yes, that's right we would have been 14 weeks pregnant today.

After many weeks of confusing ultrasounds the doctor finally told us Friday the we had no choice but to have an emergency D&C done that day the baby had no heartbeat and I had a severe infection that could kill me. I was not having any issues that would point to a miscarriage or any problems with this pregnancy so I was having a hard time adjusting to the news.

Today, should have been a amazing day but instead we are grieving the loss of what was supposed to be our miracle baby. I have been told that there were issues with my surgery that lead to some kind of infertility and I would probably not be able to produce or carry anymore children. So this pregnancy was quite the shock and we were thrilled to say the least!!

After 13 weeks and 4 days we thought we had made it! I am frustrated, angry, sad, depressed, and somehow I've seemed to make piece with it all. Weird right?

I didn't post this on here to get your pity or for you to feel bad for us, I posted this for others that may have this happen after surgery and needed support or a shoulder to lean on! I don't want you to treat me different or act like this is something that needs to be kept under the table! Miscarriages happen to every 1 out of 5 women they should be talked about and not be swept under the table! I am not ashamed of the fact that we lost our baby, and I'm not mad at anyone for not knowing what to say.  So I wanted to say Thank you to all of you who have checked up on us and acknowledged the fact that this is real:) It means the world to me!

God has a plan for us all and even though you don't see it , its nothing you wont be able to handle! I know it may seem a little overwhelming because at this moment I feel very overwhelmed but remember there is always someone out there that is there for you! So reach out!

Migraines, how I hate you!!

What kind of migraines do you get? Ive been getting so many migraines lately I thought I would share what mine are like.

The start of a migraine to me begins with pounding, lots of pressure, and then intense pain. This intense pain limits me to do alot of things ,it feels like my brain is popping out my eyes and ears and do to that I cant get any relief because my head is actually swollen so I cant even lay down on a pillow with out any pain.

Once a migraine begins my only option is to try to ignore it and go on with my day keeping as busy as I can. If I let the migraine win and I relax like I want then the migraine gets to the point that I cant even be around people including my own kids and husband!  I will do anything and everything to keep a migraine away no matter how tired or how incredibly painful it may be!

A full blown migraine to me is painful beyond words! Since surgery the migraines have become a lot less frequent but they are much more painful now then they used to be!! A full blown migraine begins just like the start of one and then blows up into extreme, extreme pain, swelling of the face, its hard to open my eyes, I cant be in any lighted areas, I become physically sick to my stomach, I get hot flashes/cold chills, and  I can NOT stand to be near ANY noises( this includes the dryer, A/C, and dishwasher) also included are my kids and husband. This is why I try to fight the start of a migraine because this can hinder my life and time with my family! :(

I have medicine that I cant take but 3 out of 5 times  its doesnt work so I just pray that today will be my day without a migraine! As of today 8/9/11 I have had a migraine everyday for 4 days from lunch time til I head for bed! Hopefully by the time I hit one year from surgery It will have all gone away!